I am writing this in utter confusion and total sadness of heart. I wish to find some helpful advise here as I have seen a lot of people get positive relationship advise that saved them from marital crisis.
I am in a relationship dilemma right now and I need realistic directions on how to go about it.
I met this lady in my first year in the university (7 years ago). I am going to be as truthful as possible so you can get the clear picture. I didn’t actually approach her, she did…
Although she didn’t ask me out but she tried to get close to me for some reasons. To cut the long story short, after spending a lot of time together, I fell in love with this lady, and when I say fell in love, I mean head over heels. This made it look like true love and destiny to me.
It took me a long time to realize that my encounter with this girl was not a mere coincidence. She might have actually planned everything from the onset. Some of my friends confirmed that she has been stalking me for sometimes before it eventually happened but up till today, she never confirmed that fact, she kept saying that she only needed my help for something and that is the only reason why she approached me.
And that began a series of lies from her. Am not claiming to be a perfect person but she is a pathological liar, she could lie about virtually anything. She lied about her virginity, her past, almost anything.
She was also loosed with guys, she claimed she preferred having guys as friends because they don’t gossip like girls do. I was not comfortable with this and we battled over this for years until she at least gave me the impression that she had changed.
Let me also mention that this lady has disgraced herself and myself in public due to her crooked and lying attitude on different occasions.
I have tried to quit the relationship on various occasions but due to the extreme depth of love I have for her and her seemingly desperate attitude to have me at all cost, we always come back together. Sometimes, she involves outsiders to enable me change my decisions. I think she might actually be taking advantage of my calm nature.
Against all these odds, we continued dating after we left school. I am currently a team leader in one of the top consulting firms here in Nigeria while she works in a school. The thing is she can’t make a complete English sentence without a single blunder (although this is not very obvious), she cannot cook well, even her family background has a constant history of failed marriages. Let me just say she is a little bit on the down side in many issues.
She has rooted herself so much in my life such that my friends and family already knows her as my wife to be and she prides herself so much on this fact. She buys gifts for them. I have introduced her to everyone in my life before I realized the poo hole I was into.
Now, everytime I imagine myself getting married to her someday, am in deep sorrow. I have a feeling that my marriage has already failed before it even started.
I am very intelligent and brilliant but due to the relationship psychological trauma, my grades dropped seriously in school. Not to mention series of interviews and tests I failed while looking for job in those days. Now that I have a good job, it is also affecting me at work again because am almost moody majority of the time, I can’t concentrate.
Should I ignore all these things and get married to her based on the love I have for her? OR should I dump her and move on with my life?
I go through psychological torture that people can’t understand everyday. Am so confused!