Single Christians and Marriage: Life decisions on flimsy foundations and untenable factors. CLICK TO READ

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‘I can’t marry brother Matthew because his trousers are always too big.’
‘I can’t marry sister Joy because she can’t even write and speak correct English.’
‘No, not me! I will never marry Janet; she is fat.’
‘Paul?! God forbid! I can’t marry him; he only has an HND.’
‘Sister Precious is too short; and her voice is too deep. I can’t marry her.’
‘How can Bro Samuel have a bald head and potbelly at such young age? I can’t marry him o.’
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These are funny words that, in fact, have been spoken by people in the past; highlighting the reasons or lack thereof, why they will refuse to marry another.
Our generation now base life decisions on flimsy foundations and untenable factors.
And the one reason I see for this is pure impatience. Impatience in getting to know people for who they really are. A high jump into conclusions based on external unreasonable factors.
And then, some years down the line, when age is staring down at us and questions are being asked, we forget how we had wasted our chances and refused choices because of reasons that are not crucial and critical.
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Besides IMPATIENCE, out of my wilderness of thoughts, I have noted these four major reasons why the present generation of 25-and-above young adult Christians no longer marry early.
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Likely Reasons Why Single Christians Have Stopped Marrying Early
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1. Fear:
If faith is biblically defined as the evidence and believe in a thing not even seen yet, fear is disbelieving what is present and glaring to you.

Countless times, even when the challenge of receiving God’s direction in marriage has been taken care of and we have gotten a clear leading, so many people still doubt what they have been given by God.

Because of the numerous bad stories of failed marriages they have been told, so many people have now developed a great fear for marriage and anything that comes with it.

Thus, when they pray for a leading, the fear drives out all faith and the answers do not come.

And even if the fear of marriage is not present, the fear of rejection can make a man keep silent and never propose especially if he feels the lady in question has a higher pedigree than him.

And this is not peculiar to men; even the sisters are quite afraid of committing their future to another human being.
The thought of handling over their life affairs or sharing it with some other human scares them; especially when they reckon it is quite ‘risky’ to be subject to a man who hasn’t been able to handle his own life and control his emotion.

Fear has held quite a lot of people back from following their heart even when it speaks with God’s voice.

Am I sure it is true love?’
‘Is God really in this?’
‘I hope I am not making a mistake’
‘What if she says NO?’
Will he even be able to love me truly?’
These are some of the questions that breed doubts and bring fear to most souls.

And ultimately, this fear stops both men and women from taking action.
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2. Lack of Prayer and Concentration:
Let’s face it. So many of us are too lazy to really pray about the issue of marriage nowadays.

And those who are not lazy are too busy to create ample time to really seek the face of God and receive answers.

Many only pray when problems and troubles of life overtake them. And even when the storm is gone, they down their prayer tools and continue living their average dry and docile Christian life.

And then, how do we still have the effrontery to say we have not discovered God’s will for our lives?

So many of us are of the opinion that it shouldn’t take too much prayer for God to lead us right. However, if we can spend much time to pray for jobs and other necessities of life, Why not marriage too?

Moreover, with the social media distractions we have in our age now, it is becoming increasingly hard to focus on spiritual things for long.
Our lips are dry, our hearts are dull and our commitment to the things of God are low.

And what about sincerity in the place of prayers? 
Many have formed the habit of speaking to God with Queen’s English and measured words as if our maker cares about vocabularies.

You realize you are falling in love with someone and you cannot even tell your Heavenly Father about it.
You cover it up with a blanket of pretence and never hone up to it.

Instead of telling God as it is, we have been ill-educated to wrap things around words and speak insincerely.
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3. Education:
The social media platforms and our own exposure have painted some sorts of unrealistic pictures that we have changed into beliefs, principles and mentality.

Different quotes wash the internet everyday telling us about new fast and easy ways to have a beautiful marriage and choose a partner.

We now look out for things that were insignificant about ten years ago- and No, I am not talking about the genotype.

Many theories have now been given in the closed groups on Facebook about how to spot a good husband material and the shortcut to identify a good wife candidate.

And then, when we conduct our tests on such aspirants, more often than not, people fail and we assume they are not good enough.

While some relationship scholars will say even if you love him, continue to pray for a vision, Some teachers suggest we look around us and choose a fellow child of God who our heart, a supposed throne of God, agrees with.

With these different mindset as different from each other as North to South, we end up not making our minds up and we keep procrastinating.

And you know the funny thing?
Because marriage is not one of the three necessities of life like clothing, shelter and food; it is easy for us to forget about it for a while and keep our hearts busy with other cares of this world.

Hence, almost no one really spends time to decide on what they believe and hold on to it.

We have jettisoned our parents in discussions on who to marry and now look up to Facebook speakers and writers for guide.

And with the almost innumerable criteria we have laid up in our hearts, we never really pinpoint any particular individual as God’s will.

I mean, even if you receive God’s leading, is it not too easy to tell ourselves it is just our mind playing tricks on us? 
Especially when these people do not fulfill our criteria?
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4. Church:
I think it will be quite deceptive and ignorant of me if I don’t mention our churches and the general society as one of these reasons.
With her often outdated rules and sometimes needless blockades, the church has scared many persons who have surmounted the three problems above.

In a situation where it takes almost six months after conviction before a man can actually meet a lady and let her know his mind, how can such a man not be afraid about the prospect or possibility of the said lady saying ‘No’.

And our sisters reserve the right to reject anyone, don’t they?

They do have the right to not agree with a man’s vision and plans since marriage is a partnership agreement.

The very much needful but elongated period it would take to go through the structures of our churches before even declaring your interest is a major challenge most brothers succumb to.
And they either swallow their words of proposal or try to sabotage such procedures- thereby irking the anger of the church elders.

Some of our churches have also stopped teaching the young adults about practical tips on knowing God’s will.
And these inquisitive minds are forced to seek Answers elsewhere, especially on social media, where people air opinions without much thought about consequences. 
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May God help us all.

Having talked about all these four problems, I must add that the solution I have is one.
Be sincere with God.
I mean, absolute sincerity.
Tell him as it is and totally, completely, absolutely trust in him.

Marriage is a beautiful thing, wedding is a happy experience, as depicted by the joy and dance of this young lovely couple and myself the other day.–Victor James.

(Share freely)

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