Good day to you ma. I’ve been going through your site and i really love your replies. I’ve been dating a guy for about 6 months now and we just find out that we are not compatible genetically. I’m AC, used to think I was AA, he is AS.
We really love each other and this is the only guy that has actually treated me so special in my entire life. I mean I once had a BF who raped me and took my virginity and every other guy that I tell this always think there’s nothing wrong having sex with them since I’m no longer a virgin and they end up leaving me but this guy is different. He does not judge me at all and he is willing to wait.
We are still together even after finding out about our genotype. I’ve been reading a lot about IVF, PGD and some other ways to conceive without giving birth to sickle cell children. He is scared about the IVF and PGD procedures although he is a medical doctor but he keeps saying he knows the pain SS children go through. I really want this relationship to work out and I do not want it to end but I don’t want to force him at all. Please ma, what do you think I should do?
Thanks for sharing with me. This is a very sensitive one. You see, I am one that advises compatibility before one gets into a relationship. It is unfortunate that you just realized that your genotypes are not very compatible after 6 months but it is still good that you found out before you got married. With your genotypes, there is a 25% risk of giving birth to a child with SC.
The pain of having a child with the crisis of SC is always very stressful for the entire family! It drains the family emotionally, financially, physically, mentally and socially apart from the severe pain and trauma the children with SC go through! I have also seen children and adults suffer from those crisis and honestly, it is not worth it since it can be avoided!!!
True love faces reality and does not ignore incompatibility. Some people will tell you to have faith. Faith is good and I believe there is nothing impossible for God to do, but I also believe that God has given us common sense and wisdom to make good decisions. Whatever decisions we make, we make, we have automatically decided to live with the consequences and cannot blame God for our wrong choices!
You could decide to try conceiving each time and hoping that each pregnancy gives you a baby that is not SC but what if all the babies you have each time are SC?
Another option around this is Invitro fertilisation (IVF) like you mentioned then a Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis (PGD) to identify embryo(s) formed without SC genotype which could then be placed into your womb. IVF is very expensive. In Nigeria, I hear it is costs at least 600,000 naira and unfortunately, there’s no guarantee that it would be 100% successful.
If you won’t be getting pregnant, adoption are alternatives to having and raising children of your own too. You would need to seek legal advice regarding these if you so desire.
The choice is yours dear. I would counsel that you and your partner have an honest discussion about these options available if you are both convinced about proceeding with your relationship and desire that you carry your pregnancy. You must count the cost!!!
Always remember, once you choose a path, you have automatically choose your destination!
I hope this helps?
I wish you all the best.